Narrator: While all this was going on, Frodo and Sam continued their journey to Mordor. Many days were lost as they wandered within the maze of razor sharp crags known as the Emyn Muil.

Sam: We are so lost.
Frodo: No we're not.
Sam: We should stop and ask someone for directions.
Frodo: I don't need directions, I've got a map! Besides, there is no one to ask.
Sam: We should try to find someone then.
Frodo: No we shouldn't.
(pause)
Sam: We are so lost.
Narrator: Finally reaching the end of the Emyn Muil, they capture the creature Gollum. Once known as Smeagol before the evil of the Ring corrupted him, he has been stalking the hobbits since they left Rivendell... waiting for his chance to once more seize the One Ring... his precious...

Gollum: Argh! Kinky, wretched hobbitses! Tying poor Smeagol up with nassty rope!
Frodo: You know the way into Mordor, don't you Smeagol?! Take us there!
Gollum: No, no... not Mordor! Hobbitses very angssty, yes, very angssty and into kinky ropess! Maybe hobbitses going through goth phase like tricksy Saruman? Poor, poor Smeagol—Gollum-gollum!
Sam: Crikey, what a weirdo!
Narrator: Eventually, Gollum gave in and swore on the Precious to take Frodo to Mordor. Through the Dead Marshes they travelled.

Sam: (singing) This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shi—
Frodo: One more verse, Sam, and I'm pushing you in!
Sam: Errr... sorry, Mr. Frodo, sir.
Gollum: Ssilly, sstupid hobbitses! This way, this way!
Frodo: (shudder) You know, it's very unsettling the way that eye follows our every move...
Sam: What?! The eye of Sauron again?
Frodo: No, no... that one.
Sam: Oh, right. That is creepy!
Narrator: Arriving at Restaurante Morannoni, the Black Café of Mordor, Frodo realizes that he forgot to call ahead with reservations and that they will have to find another way in.

Frodo: Doh!
Maitre D: Southrons?! Men of Harad, party of 350... your tables are ready! Zis way, monsieurs!
Sam: We have to find another way to get into Mordor.
Gollum: Smeagol knows of a secret way, yes—yessh he does. Take you around to the back door, Smeagol will—Gollum!
Narrator: Passing into the northern marches of the land that men of Gondor once called Ithilien, the trio journeyed on and on. Until one day...
[suspenseful music]
(music suddenly stops)
INTERMISSION
(suspenseful music resumes)