Arch Terrorist caught like a rat in a hole!Arch Terrprist caught like a rat in a hole
An exclusive report by our man on the spot, Derek Tree

The world's most wanted terrorist was finally captured by Special Forces near his home town of Crawford, Texas

"Ladies and gentlemen," announced Colonel Ricky 'Sancho' Panzer. "We've got the bastard!"
Cheers greeted the announcement.
"The criminal G 'Bush' Dubya is our prisoner," added Ms Tamara Mukerjee, a spokesperson for the El Kidda News Agency who first reported the story.

Colonel Ricky 'Sancho' Panzer, the Special Forces Commander who has been leading the man hunt for the last three years, told the hurriedly convened news conference in the small Texas backwater of Wacko: "Not a single shot was fired. Without Congolisa Rice and his army of spin doctors there was no way he could find his own bottom with both hands, never mind fight back. We caught him like a rat in a hole."

The tyrant was dug out of an underground room concealed beneath a chicken coop near his home town of Crawford, in Texas. It was a fitting end to three years of intrigue, bribery, and lies as the disheveled figure with a tangled moustache emerged bleary-eyed into the torchlight covered in chicken shit. Without his bodyguards Ronald Dumsfeld and 'Colon' Bowel to protect him, Dubya offered no resistance. Nevertheless, he was searched for any weapons of mass destruction he may have had hidden about his person, which prompted several Americans in the audience to shout: "See if you can find his brain up his ass - it sure aint between his ears!"

The tyrant was finally flushed out after Colonel Ricky 'Sancho' Panzer's team received a tip off about a secret location where the former playboy and would-be Oil tycoon partied with Congolisa Rice - his bit of rough. A special force of 600,000 - an assortment of IQ assessors, psychiatrists and speech therapists - began the mission at 10.56am, with Col Ricky 'Sancho' Panzer's Crackpot Assault team leading the attack. Their focus was on a ranch and a farmhouse, code named Chickenshit 1 and Chickenshit 2, just outside Wacko, in Texas. The area was soon surrounded, and the special forces stormed into the buildings only to discover they were as empty as the tyrant's promises.

But inside a nearby chicken coop they found a pair of soiled underpants, three porn magazines and a signed photograph of the Member for North Texas - Tony Blur. Once they had dug through the remains of several half eaten whoppers, they discovered the entrance to a "rat hole" camouflaged by pot plants and copies of the dictator's speeches. Removing them, revealed a narrow, vertical tunnel leading down to a tiny room where a man "would have barely enough space to crap his pants". There was also a newly installed paper shredder. Dubya was lying on the ground punching Chads. In the side tunnel were two bottles of "Bushmills Old Irish", a pair Prada knickers with the name "C Rice" stencilled into the waistband, and more chads.

At the packed news conference, Colonel Ricky 'Sancho' Panzer' said: "I think it's rather ironic that the Arch Terrorist was caught like a rat in a hole, playing with himself, and covered in the shit he's been feeding us all these years."

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