Ku Klux Klan see red over Klansman Ku Klux Klan see red over Klansman

By our lady in the launderette,
Jennifer Gardner
US Ku Klux Klansman, Arnie Stevens, outraged his fellow Klansmen when showed up at a rally in Liberal, Oklahoma, wearing a matching pink hood and robe today

"They say it happened because I didn't separate my whites from my coloureds," a crestfallen Arnie told Utterpants. "It jus' goes to show segregation is the way of the Lord; in laundry as well as in life."

We caught up with the 47-year-old born again Christian and staunch republican at his shack outside Muskogee, Oklahoma, where he took time out from whittling crosses for out-of-state tourists, to talk to us.

"The missus was out shopping for one o' them tha illegal sex toys so I had to do my own laundry," explained Arnie sheepishly. A former bachelor, Arnie took his dirty Ku Klux Klan robes to the local launderette where fate promptly crapped on the unlucky Okie in a most unlikely manner. Although the real culprit was probably a pair of his wife's red, crotchless panties, Arnie stoutly maintains his washing was tampered with by some young African American men loitering around the launderette — or as Arnie charmingly put it to us — 'no good interfering nigras'.

"Someone sabotaged that tha washer. Sure as I know nigras is black, I know I separated my coloureds from my whites. Something stinks around here and it aint my pants."

Conspiracy or not, the mishap did not discourage this lifelong Ku Klux Klan member and Seventh Day Adventist from attending his monthly rally. But as soon as his fellow patriots saw the unfortunate shade of flamingo pink his robes had turned, Arnie was given the choice of being lynched or resigning from the Klan.

"Unfortunately my fellow Klansman judged me solely on the colour of my robe. But I can't help what colour my robe is. I was always taught that It's what's inside a man that counts," said Arnie, wiping back a tear.

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Story © 2004 Jennifer Gardner. Picture and design © 2004 utterpants.co.uk

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