Thongs - a health risk Thongs:
a health risk

By our woman behind the bush, Georgia Prince
A new study has shown that wearing thong underwear may be hazardous to a woman’s health

Thong panties, particularly combined with tight, low cut jeans can cause the following health risks; vaginal and bacterial infections, haemorrhoids, lacerations of the anus — or possibly an increase in sexually transmitted diseases among fellow thong-wearers.

Dr Vondensteinenum of the Institute of Women’s Health took time out from folding fetching new designs for 'JLow' designer sanitary pads to talk to us. “We have found that the majority of women who wear the ‘combination’, especially in drinking establishments, tend to have unsafe sex practices. This leads to an increase in chlamydia and sexually transmitted diseases. We have also found, because of the rubbing of the material along the buttocks and the tightness of the fabric, that women are more likely to suffer from inflammation, lacerations, infections and even infertility, solely from their unfortunate choice of knickers.”

Utterpants put these concerns to a spokestypeperson from the Ministry of Health, who told us: “We are currently looking into womens' underwear and considering putting warning labels on all thongs to clearly state the health risks associated with these garments. We need to educate the public over this mounting dilemma. Women wear thongs to be sexy, yet the poor sods who have to go 'down there' to clean up the yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis which result from wearing them don't find them much of a turn-on.”

“We are especially concerned about the amount of women wearing thongs while pursuing activities in which they sweat, or bounce around a lot," added Dr Vondensteinenum. "Vigorous Yogic exercises or horseback riding in a thong are incredibly reckless activities for a young woman. Why, you could cut off the circulation to your entire vagina! It’s better not to wear any underwear at all!"
"We couldn't agree more, doctor, " we commented.

- read this shocking new report

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Story © 2004 Georgia Prince. Picture, design and construction © 2004 utterpants.co.uk

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