Paris Hilton did coke with George W Bush Paris Hilton did coke with George W Bush

By our man with a nose for scandal, J J Jogolo
President Bush received another blow to his falling popularity last night when a programming error by Fox Television engineers accidentally broadcast a private conversation between guests to a stunned nation

The damaging disclosure took place during a live broadcast of 'The Simple Life 2' — celebrity cock-teaser Paris Hilton's latest hit reality show. Ms Hilton was involved in making a pancake breakfast for her special on the road guests, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston when the faux pas occurred. All three stars believed that the cameras had cut to commercial and their microphones were off, when they began discussing Kitty Kelly's new book, 'Kitty Kelly Bush Book Rumors.'

Microphones remained on as the conversation turned to Paris Hilton and she regaled her two giggling guests with the steamy details of a recent drug-fuelled sex session with the Texan stud.
"I was with Georgie last month in the Oval Office and he busted out like an ounce of coke. That old dude can sniff some snuff, I mean he did like a gram and a half straight up his nose before I'd even got my top off." enthused the sultry sexaholic.

America held its collective breath — or possibly something more substantial — as Paris continued breathlessly: "Then the old booger had me sit on his lap while I did my lines; so, I, like wrapped my legs around his waist and gave the Presidential pork a little squeeze. Next thing I know, out pops this teeny little weenie."
At this point Ms Aniston broke into hysterical laughter and was heard to ask: "How teeny?"
"About the size of that pretzel he choked on last year," replied the gabbling cum guzzler. "The minute I touched it, it went off in my hand. What a waste of good coke! I told the jerkoff to buy himself a penis pump and left a pack of Viagra on the table on my way out."

Outraged listeners jammed phone lines and Kerry supporters cracked open cans of beer as the producer ran into the studio yelling that the show was still live and on air. Still laughing hysterically, Brad Pitt was heard to remark that the error 'would probably net them all millions of dollars', to which Paris replied, somewhat peevishly, "who the fuck cares about money? I just hope I don't lose my show because of that little pud!"

A red-faced spokestypeperson for Fox TV told a hurriedly convened press conference that due to technical difficulties with their video tape equipment, this episode of 'The Simple Life 2' would not be repeated at a later date, prompting a reporter from Britain's 'Sun' newspaper to quip "You can have my copy for nothing!"

Fox News' Shawn Hannity called the unfortunate incident 'a staged-managed assault by the axis of evil against the best damn President this nation has ever known!' HBO's Bill Maher was quoted as saying, "See, I tried to tell you.'

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Story © 2004 JJ Jogolo. Design and construction © 2004 utterpants.co.uk / 240904

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