Jlo announces new product line Don't go below — I've got JLo!

By our woman behind the lingerie counter,
Georgia Prince
Los Angeles: Award-winning actress and Businesswoman of the Year, Jennifer Lopez, has announced a new line of feminine hygiene products

In an exclusive interview conducted via our Bluetooth satellite uplink, Jennifer (34), told Utterpants:
“I felt it was time that someone added glamour and mystique to magical world of menstruation. “For too long women have been made to feel embarrassed during ‘that time’ of the month and men just hide whenever the 'M' word is mentioned. No more, I say! It's time the world knew that we have periods!”

The tough-talking New Yorker went on the enthuse about the difference her new feminine hygiene products will make to the lives of millions of women too embarrassed to even talk about what goes on 'down there'.
"I did worry a bit about whether tampons would be big enough to fit my picture on them," Ms Lopez gushed, "but then I figured that putting the word 'JLo' on them would be enough; I mean everyone knows who I am, right?"
"Absolutely Jennifer," we affirmed.

Lopez’s new 'JLow' line of sanitary products includes scented sanitary towels, with the JLo 'Jlow' logo & picture impressed in the stay-dry cover, (guaranteed to protect against embarrassing leaks for up to twelve hours), customised tampons with a different photo on each protective cover, and a line of alluring undergarments to hide unsightly bloating. “These panties are so sexy! I wear the G-strings everyday!” cooed an enthusiastic Jennifer.

The priciest items of the new line are the outer-garments featuring a picture of Ms. Lopez and the phrase 'Don't go below, I've got JLo.'

The products hit the US shops next week and should be available in the UK in August — or possibly a few weeks later. A spokestypeperson from Boots told us that demand is expected to be high and advised women to place their orders now to avoid missing out.

Comment on this story? Click the button to have your say. Get it off your chest!

Story © 2004 Georgia Prince. Design and picture © 2004 utterpants.co.uk

Front Page
News Briefs
Totally Britney
Politics News
World News
What visitors are saying about Utterpants Satire News - no really. We couldn't make this stuff up if we tried, honest.
Satire News
Satire News
Satire News
Ms Givings answers your personal problems
Satire News
Porn not found
Get Firefox and rediscover the Web