Britney Spears to stuff her beaver Britney Spears to stuff her beaver

By our woman with her fingers in America's dirty laundry, Brianna Banks
In a tearful statement made this morning, the former pop princess and troubled teen idol, Britney Spears, stunned her 49 fans when she announced that she was thinking of having her pet Beaver 'Kevin' stuffed

'Kevin' (6¼), was recently presented to Ms Spears by the Canadian Government in recognition of her outstanding contribution to Canadian Culture and her promotion of free breast enlargements for teenage girls. The distraught diva could barely speak through the tears coursing down her pretty face when Utterpants interviewed her at her home today.
"I feel, like, so bad about getting Kevin stuffed," sobbed the simpering starlet. "But it was just too dangerous to keep him with me after what happened.."

Ms Spears was referring to an incident last week in which her over-eager beaver jumped into the audience at a concert in Cactusville and was severely injured by over-excited fans.
"I couldn't believe it when that guy started pounding on my beaver," continued the curvaceous cutie. "I was, like Hello? How can you do that to a small, furry animal?"
"Well, it did give him a nasty nip," we pointed out.
"Only coz he tried to grab my crotch!" snapped Britney.
"When you invite a bunch of dumbass horn toads to stroke your beaver you can hardly complain when one of them gets a bit carried away."
"Yeah, I guess I should've thought of that," she admitted.

"So what will you do now?" we asked. "Won't your act be a little tame without your beaver?"
"I've gotta a really kewl solution to that," squealed the pop tart brightly.
"What's that?"
"I'm gonna like, have this awesome contest for my fans and the winner gets to stuff my beaver live on stage! I could be really big again; I could be massive! Only.."

"Only what, Britney?"
"Only, I don't know what the Canadians would think about that.."
"I don't think you need worry too much about what the Canadians might think," we replied.
"Why's that?" asked the vapid bimbo.
"We don't think they care who stuffs your beaver."
"I guess not," sighed the simpering tartlet, "The winner will only be stuffing a dumb animal that, like, never had much going for it who's already dead, won't they?"
"We couldn't have put it better ourselves, Britney."

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