Britney with her beaver Britney Spears in love with her Beaver
By our woman with her fingers in America's dirty laundry, Brianna Banks
In an exclusive interview granted at the last minute in exchange for an undisclosed amount of cash — or possibly the promise of a night of raunchy girl-on-girl action with this reporter — the popular singing sensation, Britney Spears, opened her heart to Utterpants about her life with her beaver

The troubled teen idol began by telling us how her relationship with the beaver the Canadian Government presented to her in recognition of her outstanding contribution to Canadian Culture and her promotion of free breast enlargements for teenage girls, has 'grounded her'. "I think Kevin has had a lot to do with my image change."

"Kevin?" we asked.
"Yeah... my Canadian beaver. Don't you think he's cute?"
"Er — yes, very. So, what effect has this had on your career?"
Ever since we started having, like, relations, my life has changed in such a drastic way...I don't even identify with the person I was before, y'know?"
"Only too well, Britney," we replied.

"Have I shown you the new tattoo I had done when I got Kevin?"
"No, we don't think you have.."
"KEWL!" squealed the pop pin-up, unzipping her skin-tight leather jeans. "It says 'U R 2 Kewl 2 B 4 GOT N.' Waddya think? Is it awesome or is it awesome?"
"Er, awesome, Britney. But maybe you should have had it done just a little higher."
"Why's that?"
"Er, I think your, er, 'beaver' has obliterated the last line."
"OMIGOSH! You're right. Ewww, I keep forgetting Kevin likes to hide in there."

Comment on this story? Click the button to have your say. Get it off your chest!

Story © 2004 Brianna Banks. Pictures and design © 2004 utterpants.co.uk /160704

Front Page
News Briefs
Totally Britney
Politics News
World News
What visitors are saying about Utterpants Satire News - no really. We couldn't make this stuff up if we tried, honest.
Satire News
Satire News
Satire News
Britney Spears Satire News and News Parody