The Evils of International Gnomery The Evils of International Gnomery
Gnomewatch 2006 - souvenir edition
SOUVENIR EDITION
If this is the first time you've seen this page we're afraid you missed the action. If you want to know what all the fuss was about, read about the event on your right.
GnomeWATCH 2006

We kept our readers up-to-date with 24 news bulletins during the event.
CLICK ANY TITLE BELOW TO RECAPTURE THE MAGIC OF GnomeWATCH 2006!

The Evil of International Gnomery The Evil of International Gnomery
In the first of three special reports on the Evil of International Gnomery, Chairman Tenji addresses the nation in a rousing speech that reveals the full horror of the Gnome crisis gripping the country.
Gnome Vice Ring Smashed Gnome Vice Ring Smashed
Special Branch officers and a crack team of horticultural negotiators from Kew Gardens raided a popular drinking club in St Neots early this morning after an anonymous tip-off. Neve Milgo reports.
Rivers of Blood Rivers of Blood
Despite fears of a horrific backlash from the Gnomish community, Chairman Tenji continues to urge the public to remain calm and exercise restraint. Neve Milgo reports.
Police Capture Gnomish Leader Police Capture Gnomish Leader
Cambridgeshire Police today confirmed that the leader of the increasingly militant Gnomish sect has been detained for questioning and light indoor gardening duties. Oleg Vimen reports.
Capture of Gnome provokes 'Hats–Off' Protest Capture provokes 'Hats–Off' Protest
Text of address to the nation by Chairman Tenji:. "I interrupt this episode of Eastenders to bring you some very serious news. Reports are coming in of a nationwide protest by gnomes..." Oleg Vimen reports.
Teens  in Gnome Lust Orgy! Teens in Gnome Lust Orgy!
In the second of three special reports on the Evil of International Gnomery, Neve Milgo receives some shocking photographs of scantily clad, teenage girls shamelessly cavorting with gnomes in broad daylight.
Gnome snatched by Vigilante Satirists Gnome snatched by Vigilante Satirists
Renegade Gnome put on Bread and Water rations. Kidnappers say: "pay up or it will be the worse for the little shit!"
Oleg Vimen
reports.
Gnome digs tunnel and Escapes Gnome digs tunnel and Escapes
The Gnome crisis takes an astonishing turn as news leaks of his escape. Chairman Tenji considers possible emergency measures to curb the increased threat from gnomish activists. Oleg Vimen reports.
Mystery Bidder may save Gnome shock Mystery Bidder may save Gnome shock
In a disturbing turn of events on the morning of the second day of the auction, a mystery bidder sent a threatening message to the office of the National Satirist Party of England. Neve Milgo reports.
Gnome at large shock Gnome at Large Shock
Police, accompanied by a crack team of horticultural experts from Kew Gardens, have been conducting house-to-house searches in the Purley area where the gnome is believed to be at large. Oleg Vimen reports.
Gnome Hater ups the Auction Anti Gnome Hater ups the Auction Anti
In a further twist in the saga of the gnome ransom, a hard-line gnome hater raised the stakes at the eBay auction this afternoon.
Neve Milgo
reports.
Gnome Attacks Chicken Gnome Attacks Chicken
We ask: is this gnome really as dangerous as we have been led to believe? Was the self-styled Gerald P Floyd really ‘at large’ or just running scared?
Oleg Vimen reports.
Hunt for Renegade Gnome Continues Hunt for Renegade Gnome Continues
Police were combing hedgerows and ditches as far afield as Watford Gap today in their hunt for missing renegade gnome.
Neve Milgo reports.
Gnome Flees on Stolen Motorbike Gnome Flees on Stolen Motorbike
Not content with assaulting a chicken, the renegade gnome, Gerald, has now stolen a valuable, vintage motorcycle in his increasingly desperate attempts to evade capture. Oleg Vimen reports.
Gnome Factions in Fierce eBay Bidding War Gnome Factions in Fierce eBay Bidding War
The Gnome crisis moved up several gears today when a fierce bidding war erupted between the Gnome Liberation Movement (GLM) and the mysterious, gnome-hater, 'gnomesis.' Neve Milgo reports.
Porridge for Goblin! Porridge for Goblin!
Britain's favourite chip wrapper lost no time in reporting the capture of the renegade gnome, who was snatched from under the noses of police early this morning. Oleg Vimen and Neve Milgo report.
GLM Defend Gnome GLM Defend Gnome
The Gnome Liberation Movement issued a provocative statement today that has enraged the vigilante satirists who recaptured the renegade gnome this morning. Neve Milgo reports.
Gnome Interrogated by Vicious Dog Gnome Interrogated by Vicious Dog
After his dramatic recapture by vigilante satirists yesterday, we have learned that the renegade gnome Gerald was subjected to systematic interrogation by a sadistic dog earlier in the week. Oleg Vimen reports.
Gnomes target Teens for Sex Gnomes target Teens for Sex
An inflammatory statement from The Gnome Liberation Movement has fuelled fears of an epidemic of unwanted pregnancies among Britain's teenagers. Neve Milgo reports.
Gnome in Guantanamo style Horror Gnome in Guantanamo style Horror
In a shocking development, GnomeWATCH news has learned that the recently recaptured gnome may have been subjected to systematic torture by his captors. Oleg Vimen reports.
Gnomes Show their Hand Gnomes Show their Hand
In the third and final of our special reports on the Evil of International Gnomery, we lift the lid on the dustbin of the National Satirist Party of England to uncover a fiendish conspiracy. Oleg Vimen reports.
Gnome Lovers Confess to Wild Sex Orgies Gnome Lovers Confess to Wild Sex Orgies
GnomeWATCH strips away the crotchless panties from the sticky thighs of the disturbing teenage 'Gnome Love' craze sweeping the nation.
Neve Milgo reports.
Gnome Lover Bags Gerald! Gnome Lover Bags Gerald!
Seventeen-year-old American high school student saves the renegade gnome from an ignominious death at the hands of his captors at the eleventh hour. Neve Milgo reports.
Gnome Goes Home Gnome Goes Home
The thrilling conclusion. GnomeWATCH news studio, Good Friday, 2pm. Two technicians are tiptoeing around, dismantling equipment in the semi-darkness.. Neve Milgo reports.
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Gnomewatch 2006 - souvenir edition
Content © COPYRIGHT 2006 utterpants.co.uk. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED /140406
Gnomewatch 2006 - souvenir edition

WHAT WAS GNOMEWATCH?

Over period of 20 days during the spring of 2006, four leading Internet satirists collaborated to create a truly surreal charity event in aid of Amnesty International, during which we ransomed a captured garden gnome oneBay gnomewatch The auction ran from Monday 3rd April until Thursday 13th April and raised £275.00

GnomeWATCH NEWS
The self-styled 'Gerald P Floyd' - the Gnomish Ringleader

The hilarious and satirical adventures of the gnome unfolded in a series of News Bulletins that began ten days before the auction started, on 24th March and ran right through until it ended on 13th April.

The first special article we published was 'The Evil which is International Gnomery'—on 24th March 2006. If you want to recapture the full flavour of this unique event you should read this first. You will need to pay attention! Hints are dropped and clues are left in each episode that build up to an unexpected climax which you'll miss if you just skim through the stories.

Then read the rest of the news bulletins which are listed on your left. These are listed in the order in which they were published—oldest first. The final twist was unravelled in the third of our special reports—Gnomes Show their Hand. We hope you enjoy the show!

GnomeWATCH blog - click to read auction comments
During the auction we kept a running Blog of what people were saying about the event. Click the banner to read their comments.
GnomeWATCH Media Packs

Throughout the auction we made Media Packs available to the Press onBuy the Press Pack on eBay — containing high resolution versions of the images we created specially for GnomeWATCH. Most were 1200 x 1600 pixies — sorry, pixels in size. So if you fancy a permanent memento of the event in glorious colour without a copyright watermark—make us an offer and we may be persuaded to mail you a high quality colour print (or prints, if you're feeling really flush). Hit the button to contact us:

Gnomemail us
Gnomewatch 2006 - souvenir edition
Gnomewatch 2006 Suporters
The following websites supported Utterpants GnomeWATCH 2006:
Utterpants Gnomewatch 2006