How to handle Wankers
Miranda Givings gets to grips with a couple of complete knobheads
I was in a pub the other day for a girls night
out with a friend I'll call 'Cyndi.'
We sat down at a table close to the bar and I had my usual G and T, and Cyndi had rum and coke and we spontaneously decided to spend the night observing the men and waiting to see which ones would hit on us first.
We didn't have long to wait. Men are so predictable aren't they? A
couple of right knobheads came over to our table and sure enough, one
of them asked:
Men are not intelligent enough to understand that when a woman declines
the offer of a drink she's declining the offer of a drink. How hard
is that? Instead, they get all defensive and aggressive, or else they
sulk like little boys when mummy refuses the sweet they've set their
hearts on. This one was the offensive type.
Knobhead One looked Cyndi up and down in what he obviously thought
was a really cool way and flicked back his hair. "I suppose you
think you're really clever, don't you?"
"Well actually, dick head, a real man wouldn't come on to us,"
Cyndi continued, "but as you're obviously complete knobheads and
not real men, you wouldn't know that, would you? Now why don't you and
your friend piss off and wank in the corner like good little boys?"
Oppss, I thought, "fisticuffs". To be honest, I wasn't too
bothered, because Cyndi's five eleven and packs a punch that would have
knocked them both senseless without getting up a sweat. However, they
took the hint and crawled back to their little corner. Secretly I think
they were both taken aback by Cyndi's forthright attitude, and probably
peed their pants. I was glad about that because we were only there to
laugh at the sad bastards, and as much as I would have loved to punch
their lights out, I was relieved that it didn't come to that.
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