"I am Inspector Plodder and these are my colleagues from the Purley
Vice Squad. I arrest you for keeping a disorderly house and living off
immoral earnings. Boddington, take three men and search the flat! I
want that bitch naked, WPC French! If she complains, cuff her!"
Tracy French pinned Romola to the wall, twisted her right arm up behind
her shoulder blade, and kicked her legs apart. "My pleasure, Sir!"
"Just a minute!" said Sophie. "You can't just barge in
here and arrest Romola on some trumped up charge!"
"And who might you be, madam?"
"THE madame, more like," said WPC French, running her eyes
enviously over Sophie's expensive Calvin Klein frock and emerald earrings.
"Lady Sophie Mountjoy," said Sophie coldly.
"You're under arrest too", said Inspector Plodder, seizing
her arm. "Now get your clothes off!
"Take your filthy paws off me, you horrible little man!"
"I'd watch your mouth if I were you," snapped WPC French.
"We know all about the games your sweet little sister has been
Sophie shook the inspector's hand off her arm and laughed.
"You think sex between an alien and a minor is amusing, do you?"
"No, I was thinking how funny you'd look in a pointy blue hat when
the Chief Constable puts you back on the beat."
"And why should he do that?"
"Because you've just arrested the daughter of the Marquis of Staines
on the evidence of a certified looney who believes in aliens."
The policeman spun round to confront Gerald. "Is this true, Mr Bolton?"
"I am an outpatient at the Purley mental hospital, Inspector, yes."
"Since my nervous breakdown."
"Can you prove that?"
"Here is a letter from my Doctors."
The inspector snatched the note from
Gerald's hand, scanned it briefly and threw it down with a snarl of rage.
"I'll get you for this, Bolton!" he muttered under his breath
and rounded on Sophie. "What about all the money?"
"What money, Inspector?" asked Sophie innocently.
"Boddington! Where's the fucking money?" shouted Plodder.
"Er — there isn't any, Sir." replied the policeman, running
back into the room.
"Did you check the bedroom?"
"Yes sir. Lady Charlotte Mountjoy and her sister Victoria are lying on the bed reading."
"Er...the Police Gazette, sir..."
"Have you found the fucking alien?"
"Er —no Sir."
"You won't get away with this, you know! I'll not be made a fool
off! We have the space ship under twenty four hour surveillance!"
One of the officers took a call on his radio, reddened and passed it
to the inspector. The inspector put it to his ear and then flung it
across the room. "Blast! I'll get you for this — you, you fucking
"Don't tell me you've found another bouncy castle, inspector?"
"Release them!" said the Inspector through clenched teeth.
"And let's get out of here!"
The door slammed behind them.
Romola collapsed into Gerald's arms and burst into tears. "How
long... how long have I got, Soph?"
"Your whole life, my darling", said Gerald, kissing away the
tears running down her cheeks.
"You passed out before I could finish", began Sophie. "Mice
only live for two years. A week to them is like eight months to you
and me and they had a hundred times as much of the stuff as we did.
I think we'll live long enough to draw our pensions."
"Are you sure?" asked Romola doubtfully.
"The rash has gone, hasn't it?"
"And the craving?"
"And the spontaneous orgasms?"
"They were a bit embarrassing..."
"There you are then — we're cured, " said Sophie.
"Have you told the others?" asked Romola.
"No — I thought you should do that. But I did tell Gerald."
"He deserved to know the truth, Romola. We've treated him dreadfully.
Or rather you have."
"You're the one who started Yyerg on the chocolate."
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"Everything, actually. Without the chocolate his cum has no effect
on humans. It's the chocolate that triggers the chemical changes that
turn it into a drug."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because there were traces of chocolate in the sample Mark analysed.
When he removed it the stuff broke down into harmless compounds."
"Where's Yyerg now?"
"Back on his ship making the final repairs."
"Oh Gerald! I've been such a fool..."
Gerald drew her closer and their mouths met in a long, lingering kiss.