Narrator: Having blindfolded Frodo and Sam, Faramir and the Rangers of Ithilien have taken the hobbits to their most secret of secret refuges.

Faramir: Explain yourselves! What are you doing so deep within enemy territory?!
Sam: Uhh—uh... don't hurt us. We're on your side. We—uhh... we were jus—s—st, um, er, um...
Faramir: Calm down and just tell me why are you here?
Sam: Hm? Oh, "why!" You want to know "why" we are here. Hah... isn't it a lovely day today?
Faramir: Answer the question.
Sam: Oh, we were just, um—
Frodo: Well, uhh... we—we're traveling through here because...No, that's not it.

Sam: Uh... we did it for a lark. Part of a spree. High spirits, you know. Simple as that.
Frodo: Right, nothing more to it. Hah.
Sam: Ha ha.
Frodo: Well, actually, we're on a mission for Rohirrim Intelligence. Th—th—there's a pro-Sauron Harad Chief, uh—
Sam: No, no. No. No, no.
Frodo: Uh, no. No, no, no. No. No.
Faramir: Now look—
Sam: Alright, alright. We are members of a southern Eriador animal rights group studying the mating habits of eagles—err—northern eagles, in particular, because their mating habits are so... umm—
Frodo: No. We're doing it for a bet.
Sam: The Valar told us to do it.
Frodo: To tell the truth, we are completely mad.
Sam: (grimacing) Mahnamahna!
Frodo: We are—we are inmates of a dwarven psychiatric institution and we escaped by pretending to be elven midget strippers.
Sam: Mhm...
Faramir: That's it! I've heard enough. Men, bag them up... we are taking them to Osgiliath with us.
Frodo: No, please!
Sam: Look here now! We might not be able to tell you what we are doing here, but I wasn't lying when I said we are on your side in this!
Faramir: Well, unless you tell me—
Sam: What I can tell you, as I would say to any that join in the fight against Sauron, we have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.
Faramir: Yes, noble sentiments, but—
Sam: This is a war of the unknown warriors, but let all strive without failing in faith or in duty and we may yet have hope that the foul curse of the Dark Lord will be lifted from our age.
Faramir: Fair enough, though—
Sam: Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties and so bear ourselves that, if the lineage of hobbits and men last for another thousand years, our descendants will say this was Middle Earth's finest hour!
Faramir: Indeed, however—
Sam: We shall fight the enemy in the woods. We shall fight at the river fords. We shall fight in the fields and in our very streets. We shall fight in the hills and we shall never surrender! Never before in the field of conflict will they say that so much was owed by so many to so few!
Frodo: Sam?
Sam: We must never give in... never, never, never, never! In nothing great or small, large or petty. Never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of our common enemy!
Frodo: Sam!
[smack]
Sam: Wha—yes, Mr. Frodo?

Frodo: They are letting us go, get your things together.
Sam: Oh, splendid!